So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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