Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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