Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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