Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
