I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm like, not good at living.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
