you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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