cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
