are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish my penis had a tongue
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
