You just made me feel so damn special
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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