today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize