I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
