is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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