Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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