some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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