this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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