Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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