listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
