Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
