the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Randomize
