3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
