I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
