my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
