Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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