Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
