3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
