problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
