Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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