my phone needs a breathalizer
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
