I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
