Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
