Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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