he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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