Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
