4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
