i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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