You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
