Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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