So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
