The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
