his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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