I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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