Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
