ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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