woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm passing your future prison.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize