I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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