Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
