Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
