Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
