PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize