I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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