Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize