answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
