What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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