we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
