there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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