That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
