hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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