He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
