Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
MIDGETS
????
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize