we have pet lesbian snakes
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
