i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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