God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
