Pappa wants mamma naked
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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