I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
