please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
