Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
