is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
