I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
