soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
