Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
