My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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