nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
