a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
