the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
